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Monday, June 14, 2010

Misery Abounding...

Ok, so I am ready. No, scratch that, I am more than ready. I am so impatient I could cry.

As if the normal pregnancy aches and pains weren't bad enough, I fell down several stairs with the resulting whiplash feelings, bruised butt and sore back up through my neck.

As if the lack of sleep weren't enough, when I do sleep, I have repeated nightmares of a stillborn baby that I have to schedule an induction day to go push out. Can you imagine anything more miserable? I wake up balling each time.

As if the fact that I still have 12 days to go isn't hard enough, I keep getting reminded that I could easily go over by another 14 days. That's 4 freakin weeks people. Stop reminding me.

It wasn't so bad when I could focus my energies on getting things ready for the baby but now I'm done. I have nothing left to do but sit here and stare at the adorable, clean, laundered and stocked baby station that has no baby.

And I can't decide what is worse, the fact that he is so cramped in there that when he moves it feels like I'm being beaten from the inside with a club or the fact that his movements are so few during the day now from his lack of space that the nightmare keeps creeping into my waking consciousness. Right now, as I'm writing, the lighting from my computer is casting shadows on my belly. It looks like there is a giant balloon in there that someone keeps trying to blow up causing all sides to expand up to an inch wider than the normal roundness, holds steady for several seconds and then releases. Doesn't sound like much but its very uncomfortable.

To give you better understanding, let me share this with you. My loving and practical husband has been very supportive but realizes that I need to work as long as I can to continue getting my paycheck. Therefore, no sense in rushing D-day. But, my constant rolling and peeing and gasping and doubling over are enough that he is now on the "get that baby out of you" train; despite the lack of funds. We've taken the dogs for walks, he bought me Taco Bell for breakfast yesterday, he bought me a pineapple. They're small steps toward helping the process along but they are proven to help. I think the tumble down the stairs was the moment for him when he realized that I'm a danger to myself and the baby.

I can no longer walk upright or avoid tripping over simple things like...floor or air. The baby is pushing so hard on the underside of my lungs that when I try to eat or drink, I often choke. I'm long torsoed so its saying something that this baby can have both his head lodged behind my pubic bone causing sudden dead-leg syndrome and his butt knocking my ribs on my right side together so much that they pop when they collide and even my elastic from my sportsbra is verging on excruciating. I'm completely limited to laying on my left side only which gets uncomfortable after only 20 minutes.

I'm ready for my appointment on Wednesday. If no progress has been made, you can all come visit me on the funny farm. I'll post the address... I couldn't believe it if no progress has been made though. These constant contractions, both Braxton Hicks and normal have got to be doing something other than trying to drive me crazy.

To leave you with a happy thought so you're not concerned I may turn suicidal, I did get blessed with a good dream this morning. Short but good. I dreamt about what the little man looked like. He was quite cute with dimples, blond fuzz for hair and blue eyes. All just like his daddy! I hope that comes true!

38 weeks and 2 days pregnant....


Olivia June 18, 2010 at 12:25 PM  

Dear baby Sadler:

Stop being such a tease and come out already. Otherwise, I will be forced to make your momma eat the red peppers in General Tso's Chicken from the Wal-Mart Deli. THEN you'll be sorry.

Love you,

clea June 22, 2010 at 6:35 PM  

Typical boy . . .being dificult so early! We are saying tons of prayers for you that this will go smoother and you will not have any more difficult times. I know you are so uncomfortable, you deserve a spa day out when he is finally here! Hang in there, you are not only a great mom, but a beautiful one, too! Love your music!

About Me

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I'm a new wife and an even newer mom. I have a secret dream to be super-mom. I love to craft, cook, dance and fill my life with as many adventures as possible. I'm slightly crunchy granola but enjoy a good steak. I'm right brained and type B (with some type A tendencies). I thrive best when I get to use my creative juices. I dabble in photography and party planning. I play piano and have a dream to learn the cello. I want to make the most of this one, short life I find myself living.

About This Blog

This blog was originally intended to be a personal journal of my pregnancy journey and all that that entails--shared with only a few close family members. It was a way for me to keep them posted on all things baby and occasionally post a picture of my growing torso so they could see the progress. After several posts, I started to get hooked on other blogs and became motivated to attempt to do more with mine. We'll see how it goes....

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