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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Diary of a Mad Pregnant Woman: The Truth about Pregnancy

***I WROTE THIS NEAR THE END OF MY PREGNANCY AND NEVER POSTED. I JUST WENT BACK TO READ IT AND LAUGHED...HARD. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU EVER PLAN ON GETTING PREGNANT UNLESS YOU HAVE A STRONG STOMACH. ALSO, DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T CARE. ITS JUST MY WAY OF JOURNALING. ****



I'm not really mad. It's just my pun on that movie.

Pregnancy is, in my opinion, not the wonderful time everyone says it is. I, by no means, have had a hard pregnancy compared to some but it has not been an enjoyable experience for me overall. I have experienced the whole gambit of symptoms ( list to come because, what kind of diary would this be without it).

There I sat, eating the nastiest food imaginable. I always pictured pregnancy as a time where you wear the cute clothes, do your prenatal yoga and eat your healthy foods like yogurt, grains and the occasional pickle topped ice cream. I never expected to be sitting there, in my car, recovering from a dizzy blackout with a bag of McDonalds because it was the fastest accessible food. What did I choose to order, you ask. A cheeseburger for the iron to couteract the anemia I was diagnosed with, chicken nuggest to couteract the hypoglycemia I have suffered from for years (worstened by pregnancy), fries to satisfy the high-fat requirements laid down by my doctor, sweet tea to jumpstart my energy level and get some sugar in me fast so I can regain the use of sight. Pregnancy diet, for me, is nothing like anything I ever pictured. I'm being forced to eat carbs, dairy, fat and a whole array of other things I always disliked to only have gained a fraction of the weight the doctor had expected. Not to mention that I have worked out a grand total of..... once, this entire pregnancy. Each time I try to take a small walk around my street, I come home bent double with pain or dizzyness. I have sat down in the construction zone more times than I care to remember. Each attempt has gotten increasingly more futile. I really regret that gym membership I bought early on in hopes that I could attend those cute yoga classes and swim in the pool. Money well spent, money well spent. Now that I'm nearing the finish line, all of my online resources are double checking that I have been exercising, moisturizing, eating right, etc in preparation for that dreaded labor they keep telling me about. My answer to them, NO. I have done none of those things. Apparently I'm going to tear to high heaven, be in labor for 43 hours, push for 6 only to be cut open in the end anyway because my lack of working out has not prepared me for this. Oh goodie.

Speaking of bodies not working, all of you out there who have not experienced this or are not currently experiencing this, enjoy your body! It is so hard to wrap your head around basic actions that you did so often before they required no thought are no longer possible or are riddled with pain. Enjoy your exercise, enjoy your sports, enjoy your man cuz all of that has gone out the window for me. Now, before you read into that, I must say that some things are completely fine, don't worry, but the majority of the things I once took for granted cause my breath to catch with the sharpness or are completely impossible for me now. If you're lucky enough to get a sweet partner, enjoy it. Mine is sweet for the most part but he enjoys watching me forget that I can't get up from the floor like I once did entirely too much. Most of the time though, I don't even have to ask or think that I may need to ask because his arm is already there for me to pull myself up with. I always thought the pregnancy waddle and the warped methods of picking things up from the floor were overeplayed. I am now doing them without thought. When you have a foot attempting to kick its way out of your cervix or your stomach muscles have completely separated to the sides of your body, a normal walk or bend is just no longer possible. So, yes...I have joined the ranks.
At a time like now, while my self-esteem is so low its non-existent, it is so great to hear the words "You're so cute". Apparently that's the only word to attribute to pregnant women. I keep hearing it and am thankful for every single time. I'm not a pixie-sized girl so cute was not a compliment I'd heard much but I will take it while I can! I haven't felt emotional beyond the normal but there have been a few times where the esteem thing has become a problem. My poor coworker, for example, told me I was cute today and I didn't get the normal happy feeling. I teared up and blurted out that I felt so fat. I'm swelling in places that are bone...HOW CAN THEY SWELL. I occupied my bored self today with shaking my arms out infront of me so I could watch the flab on the back of my arms dance. I just find myself being an emotional cutter and focusing on the things that bring me down worse but I can't find the control button. Sux.

Sleep is a complete and total lost cause. I believe I have the strongest baby in the world. I have no one I can reference his amount of activity to as all of the closest women to me--who have experienced labor--have all gotten that amnesia thing I keep being told I'm going to get regarding pregnancy. This kid won't let me lay on my right side because he thinks its fun to headbang against the inside of my ribs. You're not allowed to lay on your back for fear of suffocating the poor kid. Obviously, the stomach isn't an option. So you're stuck on your left side facing your sweet husband who, bless his heart, has taken up competitive snoring as a sport. You finally find yourself drifting off to sleep when, Uh OH, your son had a bout of restless leg syndrome and mistook your bladder for the soccer ball you told him about weeks ago in preparation for his six-figured destiny.

Brain activity: BBWWWAAHAHHHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like there actually is any left. I, at any given time, have a clipboard not far from myself with a minimum of 6 pieces of papers with different types of lists, reminders or plans on them. Nothing can be committed to memory anymore as I trust that place in my head less than I'd trust my dog to be my seeing-eye dog (Cami, anyone?).

The people that irked me before might as well be asking for death if they rub me the wrong way. I have not exploded yet but where there was annoyance before, there is plans for violent murder now.

In the end, I plan on doing this again because A) I don't want to have an only child and B) the interactions I have with him in the womb make every little ache and pain completely worth it.


Symptoms experienced:

  • vision changes
  • eye shape changes (contacts felt like razors)
  • bloody noses
  • nausea
  • dizziness
  • fainting
  • vomiting
  • chills
  • sweats
  • absolutely freezing from months 2-6
  • absolutely burning up from months 7-9
  • weight loss
  • weight gain
  • upper back aches
  • lower back aches
  • gum and tooth sensitivity
  • constipation
  • opposite of constipation
  • frozen extremities
  • tingling feet
  • leg cramps
  • foot cramps
  • big blue veins in legs that look like bruises
  • juvenile-like acne
  • increased hormonal surges
  • decreased hormonal surges
  • 3 mood swings to date
  • vulnerability
  • constant peeing (we're talking 7 times a night)
  • difficulty breathing
  • ribs knocking together
  • clicking sensation in ribs when breathing in and out
  • ribs kicked out of place
  • same spot of skin on belly falls asleep 10 times a day from months 5-9 (we're talking little needles)
  • good lord, the breast size
  • overheating easily
  • night sweats
  • insomnia
  • narcolepsy (not diagnosed but I'm wondering)
  • headaches and migraines
  • blackouts or blacked out vision
  • freakishly fast growing nails
  • freakishly fast growing hair
  • funny brown line on lower stomach
  • rashes on arms and legs (like very dry skin)
  • ankle swelling
  • abdominal cramping
  • braxton hicks contractions
  • cramping that feels like menstrual cramps times 10 (from months 1-3 and 7-9)
  • cravings
  • no appetite
  • raging appetite
  • klutziness (spilled Pepsi all over restaurant table and self last night and fell down stairs at least twice so far)
  • constantly runny nose
  • sciatic pain (dull pain down legs and butt)
  • bad taste in mouth
  • heartburn (not much so kid probably doesn't have too much hair)
  • all around stupidity (seriously, the brain fogginess is scary)
  • certifiably insane pregnancy dreams
  • nesting....OH, the nesting
  • insecurity
  • terribly low self-esteem
  • stretch marks
  • peeing in my pants
  • increased sense of smell
  • boob pain, AND HOW
  • and I'm sure I've missed a good 30 or so but this gives me enough to remind myself that I don't want to do this again too quickly.

Luckily, I have, thus far, avoided the following common symptoms:

  • hemorrhoids
  • skin tags
  • spotting
  • absurd weight gain
  • breast leakage
  • pooping in my pants
  • angry mood swings
  • irrational behavior due to hormones (I regret nothing)
  • hair in weird places

But, in the end, you know what? I'd do it all again. I haven't even finished yet and I'm confident I'd do it all again. Now, the question is.....will Greg let me do it all again? This has been almost as hard on him; seeing me go through all of this and being helpless. Poor guy.

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About Me

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I'm a new wife and an even newer mom. I have a secret dream to be super-mom. I love to craft, cook, dance and fill my life with as many adventures as possible. I'm slightly crunchy granola but enjoy a good steak. I'm right brained and type B (with some type A tendencies). I thrive best when I get to use my creative juices. I dabble in photography and party planning. I play piano and have a dream to learn the cello. I want to make the most of this one, short life I find myself living.

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This blog was originally intended to be a personal journal of my pregnancy journey and all that that entails--shared with only a few close family members. It was a way for me to keep them posted on all things baby and occasionally post a picture of my growing torso so they could see the progress. After several posts, I started to get hooked on other blogs and became motivated to attempt to do more with mine. We'll see how it goes....







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