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Saturday, January 8, 2011

love.

so there i was at 4:11am holding my tiny who had just drifted off to sleep after a long day of playing and cuddling for him and a marathon migrane that made me want to crawl into a black hole and die. two days, crappy sleep, pounding head and all i wanted to do was hold him a little longer. i found myself filling my lungs with the scent of him. that sweet baby scent that i could still smell through the apricot baby oil from burt's bees that i'd rubbed on his tiny cheeks after our evening bath. i was praying to God that this memory could stay fresh and vibrant for me for the rest of my life. that i never wanted to lose exactly what that smell is like or how it makes me feel. then i realized. this is being a mother. that all-consuming love you have that, despite pain and sleeplessness, you realize the gravity of a fleeting moment and things that don't last so you stop to soak it in. i don't know if its that way for other mothers but that describes my journey so far. i despise and welcome the next step in our journey because, while the changes to come will be beautiful and meaningful, the way we are now is ending. it goes so quickly. you always hear it but it never means anything until you witness it first hand. there is no amount of preparation for how quickly it goes. they can say it all they want but it makes no difference. you can enjoy every second but it still goes too quickly.
  i've always been a baby person. i knew i wanted them. i still played house at an age that wasn't appropriate because that was a way for my vivid imagination to put me in the place i wanted to be so badly. a mother. i'd cradle my doll and pretend i was where i am now. i am addicted. i'll admit it. i want dozens of babies. i always want one in every phase we've enjoyed so far. i'll always want a baby who isn't mobile yet. i'll always want a baby with the newborn smell. and i have a feeling i'll always want a baby who is just learning to walk, or potty train, or talk and so on. each phase is amazing and i miss each phase he's gone through so far. i think i'm gonna give momma duggar a run for her money. i want to have dozens of babies. i'm the next generations momma duggar...but with better clothes. now, to get husband on board and find a wealthy benefactor to fund my dream.
 love for me is striving to hold on to each second the right amount. i don't want to hold too tight but i want to swim in the beauty and details of the right now. it is magic. it is wonderful. it is life. and, mostly, it is love.

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About Me

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I'm a new wife and an even newer mom. I have a secret dream to be super-mom. I love to craft, cook, dance and fill my life with as many adventures as possible. I'm slightly crunchy granola but enjoy a good steak. I'm right brained and type B (with some type A tendencies). I thrive best when I get to use my creative juices. I dabble in photography and party planning. I play piano and have a dream to learn the cello. I want to make the most of this one, short life I find myself living.

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This blog was originally intended to be a personal journal of my pregnancy journey and all that that entails--shared with only a few close family members. It was a way for me to keep them posted on all things baby and occasionally post a picture of my growing torso so they could see the progress. After several posts, I started to get hooked on other blogs and became motivated to attempt to do more with mine. We'll see how it goes....







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